Swine of the Times

So much has been written about the goddamned H1N1 vaccine: get it for your child or else you'll be responsible for an epidemic, don't get it because the disease has already peaked, don't get it because it's a brand new vaccine, get it because it's just like the regular flu vaccine. Ad frickin' nauseum.


Back when the vaccine was initially supposed to be available in October I decided we should probably get it because 1) I work with college students who, in epidemiological terms, are basically preschoolers who have sex 2) Bea goes to day care and 3) better safe than sorry, right? Since all of her other vaccines went down without a hitch I assumed Bea wasn't prone to reactions and I worry the virus so much about it because she's still so young (ten months on Tuesday). It could hit her hard.

I kept waiting for Bea's pediatrician to get the vaccine in and when I was there on Tuesday for the booster for her regular flu vaccine they happened to have a few doses of the H1N1 vax left. The night after the shot she had a low temperature, but it was easily controlled with a bit of Tylenol and a tepid bath. On Wednesday her temperature rose, but we were able to get it back down again. Wednesday evening her nose stuffed up and she stayed warm, around 101 degrees. I began to reconsider the joyful Thanksgiving plans we had finally made -- going over to a mama friend's house for a day of normal American football, beer, and turkey stupor. Then Wednesday night Bea was up a lot, seemed uncomfortable, and her temperature kept rising. We sadly canceled our plans so to keep Bea home and comfy and not infect my friend's baby, just in case it wasn't teething or a vaccine reaction causing all her symptoms.

We had a grumpy ambling Thanksgiving, finally eating in the early afternoon at Fred's 62, a local hipster diner with another friend and her dog. It was in the 80s here in L.A. so we sat outside in the shade with the dogs and had a peaceful, but unremarkable meal of chicken salad sandwiches, french fries and Arnold Palmers. So much for Bea's first Thanksgiving. Bea seemed warm, but was playful and charming, and ate a bunch of cheerios and a bottle. She seemed fine.

When we got home we checked Bea's temperature (as we had been every few hours since she got the vaccine) and it was 104.6 -- way higher than it had ever been before and we freaked the fuck out. We put in a call to the pediatrician, but had our stuff packed and baby loaded in the car by the time he called us back fifteen minutes later to say, yes, we should take her to the emergency room. We raced over and I dropped Alden and Bea off at the front door of the hospital where Our Lady of the Flaming Red Cheeks was born and then parked in the street. As I scampered in after Bea and Alden through the automatic double doors of the ER, a demented old man popped out from behind the security desk and shouted "BOO!" Already rattled with worry for Bea, the old man made me cry like a 6-year-old.

I took Bea from Alden so he could finish filling out the intake form and they immediately took she and I back and dosed her with Motrin even before Alden found us five minutes later. We waited about twenty minutes to see a doctor and as he walked over we overheard he grunted to a nurse, "Just numb it and we'll draw it out later." A bullet I presume? But as soon as he appeared on our side of the curtain the gruffness disappeared and he was an affectionate grandfather-type entrancing Bea with his ear light thing-y.

We learned that we had been under-dosing her with Tylenol by about half thanks to shoddy advice from a doctor in our ped's office that I have since banned from touching my daughter on account of being an abject idiot. We also had no idea that you are supposed to alternate Tylenol and Motrin for higher fevers. With careful instructions on how to dose her and a firm plan of when and where to bring her back if the temperature didn't go down, they sent us home. We were in and out of the ER in just over an hour, on Thanksgiving, in downtown L.A., with a presumed gunshot victim surrounded by LAPD just a few beds over. Amazing. I am thankful!

When I got home I called my parents to say "hey" since it was Thanksgiving. I told them what happened and my mom said, "Oh wait, Kari's doctor said something about the swine flu vaccine. I'll put her on." And before I could protest, my sister Kari picked up one of my parents' five portable phones (Sidebar: Why does their two-person-household need five portable phones, seven televisions, five motorcycles, and three cars plus an all-terrain golf cart? And STILL they claim that the $59 flight from Oakland to Burbank is prohibitively expensive and thus they can only fly on off days AND THUS only visit their granddaughter 2-3 times per year for 24 hours per visit?) and my mom goaded her, "What did your doctor say about the swine flu shot?" And my sister said, unawares of our travails, "Oh he said to absolutely not give it to my kids because it's untested and could be dangerous." Thanks mom. Just what I needed to hear after taking my infant to the ER on Thanksgiving.

I know I'm being crabby, but at that point last night I could not have felt worse about giving Bea the vaccine. I only have two weeks of exposure to filthy college students left and the virus already swept the campus twice, once in September and again in late October. Along with that Bea is about to be finished with daycare and I'm pretty sure this swine flu vaccine is already out of date. Basically, I feel like I royally fucked up by giving her the vaccine and this is one of those times when I feel the backbreaking weight of being entirely responsible for a tiny helpless little creature. Ballbuster that Bea may be, she still needs the adults in her life to make every decision--beyond what toy to pull out of the basket--for her. The onus of vaccine is still weighing pretty heavily on me now still, though her temperature was entirely back to normal by this morning and we didn't have to return to the ER. (I am thankful! I am thankful! I am thankful!)

Bea's okay now, but I'll be goddamned if I get the booster in a month. I've been hearing all over the place about reactions to the H1N1 vaccine and I should have listened. When you get down to it both getting the vaccine and not getting it can be seen as paranoid and/or ignorant in equal measures. I wish I had more carefully weighed the benefits and risks in our case and not relied on unqualified overconfidence in my daughter's resilience to such things.

So here's a partial run-down of all the things I'm thankful for besides the obvious family, friends and pets busines (though sidebar: Bernie is now almost a year and a half into remission from canine lymphoma! Hurrah! I am thankful!): 1) the most expeditious trip to the ER I've even been a party to 2) Bea's rapid return to immaculate vitality 3) Alden's unwavering attentiveness and leadership in dealing with all this 4) health insurance 5) the awesome doctors and nurses at the ER who, poor folks, were working their asses off on a holiday 6) so much more that I won't bore you with. Suffice to say, I am thankful! Emphatically, enthusiastically, exuberantly thankful.

jjk